Fark NotNewsletter: The Cardinals are getting a new manager Posted by Blythe at 2025-05-01 1:32:49 PM (2 comments) | Permalink More: FarkBlog 31 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2025 at 1:32 PM (12 minutes ago) | Favorite | Watch | share: Copy Link ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone hope your week's been well. The Spring TotalFark subscription drive is underway and so far so good! Thanks to all who have participated we really appreciate it! You guys are what keeps this place going - without you we wouldn't be here. This place is one of the last living remnants of the Web That Was - before algorithms curated all your attention, before every site looked like it was designed by the same four interns at Meta, before your timeline started shilling for crypto bros and hydration apps and provocative outrage tailored to push your specific rage buttons. If you haven't subscribed yet, consider this your official reminder. If you have, give yourself a ceremonial self-high-five and then tell a friend. Tell several friends. Tell them if we get enough subs I might just get blackout drunk again and delete the politics tab... Thursday 4pm Eastern it's the Fark News Livestream with me, Christine, Dill, and Vote Lucky Yates for Pope. We'll find out how Lucky's campaign to be the next pontiff is going, meet Christine's newest dog, and find out how Dill's gone viral this week. For some reason Mountain Climbing has been in the news a lot recently - even more impressive because there haven't been any fatalities involved (yet).________________________ End Drew transmission ________________________ Top CommentsSome of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week.If your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline.(The Smartest and Funniest for the past month are found elsewhere.) Funny:- sephjnr: "Dunno why the Cardinals need a new manager, 9-13 isn't a terrible record this far... ... oh."- jars.traptone joked about how many acronyms are in common use.- furterfan is hoping for a George-Ringo Pope. Smart:- IamRat wonders why the Pope died right after Vance's failed visit.- Bootleg wonders why vehicles aren't taxed by weight instead of the current system which taxes gas usage.- Neondistraction is annoyed at the comparison generating from a grocery store being built in front of train tracks.- DougalJacobs had the misfortune to live near these boulder-throwing kids.- Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste wishes the good role models didn't disappear.- Russ1642 wonders why anyone would push charges on kids doing silly kid things. PoliticsPolitics Funny:- Dave and the Mission wonders if Trump even owns a black suit.- Kalyco Jack joked about accidentally being included in another of Pete Hegseth's leaked Signal groupchats. Politics Smart:- Weaver95 can't see a reason Trump would pardon Santos.- Ambivalence noticed that the bag of cash contained more than money.- gilgigamesh wondered why Arkansas didn't ask for FEMA aid.- mofa can't see any reason Musk would be seen in any sort of good light ever again.- APO_Buddha expects this breach of the 4th amendment to result in shot ICE agents.- RandomAxe doesn't see a difference between ICE agents and terrorists. Monkey's Pick I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they didn't get many votes.Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics. Funny:- kid_icarus: "So every Thanksgiving dinner in the south only amplified by a factor of 10k."- BitwiseShift's post reminded me of the old internet's conspiracy theories. Smart:- NewportBarGuy knows there's more ways to look at the Luigi case than being pro-Luigi or pro-CEOs.- Warrener took advantage of the finger-in-chili Wendy's controversy to get the best fast-food chili. CSB Sunday Morning theme - "Your wildest airplane ride"Last week, Farkers were challenged to share the wildest airplane ride they've had.Funny:- bostonguy had the fish.- John the Magnificent went flying in a thunderstorm with someone who couldn't hold it in until the turbulence ended.- Carter Pewterschmidt remembered Billy Connely's story of how terrifying landing in a plane is the first time.- Like many people, Recoil Therapy hasn't had any bad experiences with flying. Except for the parachuting part. Smart:- indy_kid kept a baby from screaming.- SonOfSpam won the raffle to ride in the back of the air race's "safety plane."- mxstone learned what the "shuttle" to the East Coast was.- Xanlexian: "In all, there were 7 passengers including myself." For a transatlantic flight. Top Contest EntriesSome of the top-voted contest entries from last week, sorted by how likely they are to still be open. Go send in your own submissions, they're fun even if you don't get the most votes! Photoshops: Since there's a lot of these, everybody (and every thread) gets one and only one.- Yammering_Splat_Vector miniaturized these seamen.- Thrakkorzog tried to fight.- RedZoneTuba crashed the MAGA boat back in time.- TxRabbit designed a statue to Captain Nelson, without Jeannie. - whatsupchuck let a giant bird participate in a bull fight.- Thoaar forgot the shark repellent.- Surly U. Jest brought the wrong tools to a game of Operation.- Dodo David noticed Snoopy on the roof of the dogs' house.- Driver finds another location to bundle up.- asstamassta really shouldn't have tried to walk up that wall.- The Devil's Bartender created a Total Fark badge.- I_Am_Weasel brought Indiana Jones to the wrong bridge.- Terrapin Bound relaxes by the pool. - starfish01 inflated the mongoose.- Stephen_Falken designed the Big Mac truck.- west.la.lawyer gets rid of the fences!- ThomasPaineTrain expected the Spanish Inquisition.- artifishy created an owl-shaped UFO.- rharvster places the Labyrinth characters in their correct spots in the maze. - GoodDoctorB went beyond plaid. Now, they're in lamp-space.- Stantz sends this building Back to the Future. Captions:"Caption these Brits at the beach"- The Third Man shouldn't have used the French phrasing of 'threesome.' "Caption this meerkat of leisure"- Dodo David is glad the meerkat's chair isn't slatted- Flab: "Hey! Poomba! Get me another drink on your way back, will ya?"- Lokilaw2012: "All I said was I could understand where Trump was coming from and he got up and left" "Caption these Spanish spelunkers"- RedZoneTuba: "And that's where someone would hang Luke upside down if this was a Photoshop contest."- Maturin: "While the children were intrigued by the Children Museum's representation of the birth canal, their mother found it unsettling and a little too graphic." "Caption this visitor to the ballpark"- bearded clamorer: "Why is a hot dog like the bleachers at Wrigley Field? They're both chock full of assholes."- I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: "Randy Johnson. You killed my father. Prepare to die." "Caption these forest creatures"- The Third Man: "Why are you guys worried? You're white."- grokca: "Run Bambi! It's a couple of ICE goons!"- RedZoneTuba: "Captain Ahab tried to relax on his off day by hiking in the woods, but his obsession broke through in the form of hallucinations." Farktography theme: "ABCD"Last week, Farkers were challenged to photograph objects that begin with the letters A, B, C, or D.- beerrun showed us a Cardinal.- Elsinore caught an Antitail of a comet- All Latest visited a beautiful Beach in Norway.- nakmuay brought a Blueberry pastry.- MorningBreath encountered Blooming flowers. Upcoming Fark Parties It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." Submit one! Tintar's Memorial Service #2*May 24, 2025 - 01:00 PM (local time) Chicago Fark Party*May 16-18; 7:00 AM (local time) Fark Headlines of the WeekA selection of some of the top headlines from last week. Okay (new) Pope is coming out George Santos wins Nobel Peace Prize As my granny used to say, 'You can't ride a UFO until the paint is dry' Upworthy has discovered that a Farker's kid tested the cat butt hypothesis a few years ago for a science fair project and ran the article today for some reason. Still hilarious On this day in history, in 753 B.C., Rome was founded and named after Romulus after he slew his brother Uncle Remus for telling too many stories about Brer Rabbit Itsa not me, Luigi Ponce De Leon arrested for seeking the fountain of youth The Vatican has released the cause of death for Pope Francis, and surprisingly he did not die of injuries received while juggling chainsaws on a tightrope over a rotating bed of spikes Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)Another fun time on the Quiz this week, where we learned that innovation from WWII naval combat can be repurposed for entertaining large crowds at sporting events. On the Quiz itself, tacoPHXcame out on top with 1024, followed by DMJ1 in second with 982 and Captain Orr in third with 936. Oak was right behind with 935 for fourth place, and Priapetic rounds out the top five with 920. The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which single sovereign wealth fund saw a loss of $40 billion, or about 2.24% of its value in 1Q 2025 due to heavy investment in US securities and therefore US dollars, which also took a hit. Only 29% of quiztakers knew that world's largest sovereign wealth fund is the Statens pensjonsfond utland, or Government Pension Fund Global, belonging to Norway. The assets of this fund that holds oil revenues exceed $1.63 trillion. The second largest is the China Investment Corporation, which manages around $1.22 trillion, funded by bond sales to wealthy investors. The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about a driverless vehicle that stopped in the middle of a Texas freeway and then refused to let the occupants leave due to the hazardous conditions. 81% of quiztakers knew that Waymo is still the largest operator of driverless taxis, but that's only because Johnny Cab won't fully take over until 2084. We hope you enjoyed this ride! The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which celebrity and Philadelphia native was the co-owner (and sometimes whiz-wit boul) at the new Danny & Coop's in Manhattan. Only 44% of quiztakers knew that Bradley Cooper was as Philly as Gritty ringing the Liberty Bell while running past the Rocky statue up the steps at the Museum of Art. Which meant that 56% of quiztakers somehow didn't know that Danny DeVito is the country's most New Jersey icon not named Bruce Springsteen. DeVito so Jersey he makes Snookie and Kevin Smith look like they commute from Staten Island. The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the latest preventable communicable disease we should be concerned about due to antivaxx nonsense, pertussis. 88% of quiztakers knew that pertussis is also known as whooping cough, Pertussis is one of the few bacterial illnesses for which science has developed an immunization, so there's no reason to have to endure weeks of suffering a cough so persistent that you'll have trouble not just sleeping but eating. Ask your doctor. If you missed out last week, now is a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday. (view entire blog) Log in (at the top of the page) to enable voting. View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest Log in (at the top of the page) to enable voting. View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest Redisplay/refresh comments